Hope for the Holidays

This time of year can be daunting. Fears about the future seem to be the strongest for many people during this time of year. Scientists point to the lack of sunlight as to a physiological source for depression and anxiety, and psychologists point to unhappy memories of holidays past for the same. Materialism and greed often underline our confusion and anxiety as we forget what the true meaning of year end.

In all ancient cultures this time of year was associated with metaphorical death. The sun mythically died and was reborn. As we fear death, we fear the year's end. Even more subtly, we are afraid that we won't get what we want or we fear that we will lose what we have. We feel inadequate, unloved and alone. As we distance ourselves from our ancient cultural roots we forget what is really going on with the world.

First of all, from a higher perspective the only thing that is happening is the cosmic dance between the earth and the sun where the earth is doing a pirorette on its axis. It is a movement that is as natural and dynamic as life itself. We will not die and the sun will return. Nothing cataclysmic will happen, even though our subconscious beliefs may cause us to think that the worst will happen.

Many people form negative beliefs about this time of year based upon failed expectations, too much revelry, misbehavior and feelings of inadequacy. We are bombarded every year with advertisements and marketing that imply that we need to spend spend spend and receive receive receive. It is all an illusion created by advertisers and retailers. Many people make decisions about self worth and value based upon how much they get. If they don't get much, then depression and self-criticism is their reward.

If we remember that this time of year is not about materialism but about reflection and rebirth, we can have positive feelings about the future. If we are not getting what we want, we can resolve to change what needs to be changed in order to become happy. The most important facet of that process is hope. We have to let go of the illusion that something or someone will make us happy, we have total control over our own happiness.

When we resolve to be happy no matter what, we can create hope that our future is bright. We have to be disciplined enough to choose not to fear but to love. This is not for sissies. It requires effort and practice, practice, practice. Fear of the future stems from a need to control. The only thing we need to control is our thoughts. If we have thoughts of impending doom, then we have to focus on something else. It really is that simple. When we control our thinking, then we control our world. Ultimately we create our reality, and we can change our reality if we change what we think about. Magic wands are in our minds, not our hands.

So as we prepare for the holidays, remember that feelings of depression or anxiety are not wrong, they are only signals that we need to change our thoughts. We can either focus on the worst case scenario or hope that everything will be for our highest good. Rather than make new year's resolutions, let go of a negative thought pattern. Commit to think only positive thoughts and be happy for the new year. Get a calendar and put a check on everyday you were successful in being happy. This will give you some evidence of how your year is going. If you have more checks than blanks, then you will start having hope for the holidays.

Difference Between Heart and Head

I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning in Beit Lehem (Bethlehem), Israel. I wanted to experience the celebration of Christmas where it all started. Due to the fact that Beit Lehem is now in the Palestinian Authority Area, it is not a safe place to be alone. I signed up for a tour group that left from Jerusalem and was escorted by an arab tour guide for the celebration. As in Jerusalem and the rest of Israel, there were many soldiers carrying automatic weapons.

The experience I had there, including being in the manger at midnight on Christmas Eve, was awesome. To be in the energy of all those people who place such hope and joy in the Christ child was truly enlightening. When the bells stopped ringing at midnight, our tour group went outside to the Manger Square to regroup. This was at approximately 12:20AM. Apparently six of the group ignored instructions to stay together and went into the Catholic Mass which was not over until 2AM. We had to wait from 12:30AM until 2AM for them to rejoin the group. Most of our group was very unhappy about having to wait and wanted the tour guide to leave the stragglers behind. After all, they had ignored instructions and were forcing the group to be hours late in returning to their hotel rooms in Jerusalem. The guide asked me what I thought and I told him to wait, which is what he wanted to do. When the "lost sheep" finally returned, they were met with great hostility by the group. The guide could not understand why the group were so angry and why they did not want to wait. After all, weren't they part of the group? I told the guide that was the difference between having God in your heart and having God in your head. Compassion, patience and forgiveness are all signs that God lives in the heart. It was also very interesting that the guide, who felt responsible for all of his "flock" was an Arab, and the group ,which wanted to abandon the "lost sheep" were Christian.

Resistance

This is a time of great change, both for each of us personally and the world. We are constantly being reminded that we are all connected and that everything matters. The old metaphor that when a butterfly flaps its wings in the far east, a hurricane hits the African coast, is becoming more and more appropriate. Everything matters, and I mean everything. Every word that comes out of our mouths, what we put in our mouths, the clothes that we wear, whether we pick up that piece of trash on the sidewalk, all matters. One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is "it doesn't matter."
We are all going through great changes. My mother died recently and I met many relatives and friends I haven't seen in decades. We have all changed dramatically. Children are now independent and grown, adults have passed away, jobs have been won and lost, people are retired, etc., etc. Friends are going through times were projects are finally being completed and they struggle with finding something to do.
We all experience these changes, and we can either be excited about the possibilities of the future or we can resist. We can fight what is happening or we can accept it and deal with it. We can go into denial and insist that nothing is changing, like the ostrich burying its head in the sand. Life is a series of lessons. One of the biggest lessons we learn is letting go of the familiar and stepping forward in to great opportunities and possibilities. We can be excited about this or afraid. When we resist change, we struggle and volunteer for misery. When we embrace change, we get excited and embrace new possibilities. It is our choice.

Gratitude

Many of us experience negative thoughts and emotions during the holidays. These are all based upon fear. Fear that we are not good enough, that we are unlovable, that we will not get what we want or lose something that we have. Fear pervades our thoughts, our days, our sleep, if we let it. Fear creates doubt, judgment, envy, guilt, anger, and dozens of other negative emotions. The quickest way to overcome fear is gratitude. It is my reality and experience that fear cannot exist in the presence of gratitude. Gratitude for what we have, instead of fear of what we don't have. Gratitude for who we are, instead of fear of what we are not. Try being grateful and being afraid at the same time. It is impossible. So we have a choice, to be filled with fear or gratitude. In this way we take back our power and become leaders. If we can be grateful, instead of afraid, we teach others how to be. Love Love Love.

What God Really Wants

Many of us believe that God wants this or that. We are taught to give money, attend services, pray, or other actions. This is not what God wants from us. The only thing God wants from us is our pain and suffering. God does not need or want our love. God is love. The only thing that we have that God wants is our pain and suffering. When we give to God our pain and suffering, this creates a space that God can fill with love. When we are filled with pain and suffering, there is no room for love. So when or if you are contemplating God or any higher power, give to that being all of your pain, your suffering, your guilt, your doubt and all of your negative thoughts. Then there is room in your heart for love. Love Love Love. Happy holidays.

Naming Your Fear

Many times we will say things like, "if I do that, he/she will get angry." When we make statements, we do not realize that God/Universe/Source hears these statements and thinks that we are asking for that. Due to the fact that God/Universe/Source loves us so much that we always get what we want, what we say becomes reality. What we probably really mean is that "if I do that, I AM AFRAID that he/she will get angry." This is a much more accurate statement of our reality in the moment and we can heal the fear. When we name the fear, we can accept it and let it go, rather than forecast the future which may very well come true. If people would only understand that what comes out of their mouths is just as important as what goes in their mouth, their reality would be much more positive. Happy Holidays!! Love Love Love

why we get depressed for the holidays

Mental health care providers rejoice at the holiday season because depression and negative feelings seem to overwhelm us during this time. The reasons are well known, money issues, memories of unpleasantness in childhood at this time (we didn't fall far from the tree, did we?), lack of sunlight, feelings of isolation and being unloved. The solution to all of this nonsense is to realize what is really happening. First of all, the end of the year is the time of death and rebirth of the world. Have you ever died and were reborn in the same lifetime? I have, and I can assure you IT HURTS! So every year we go through the symbolic death and rebirth, and if we don't know what is happening, it can get pretty scary! This is the time of year to let go of all that happened in our lives that does not serve us. It is a time to let go of guilt and shame, blame and melodrama. To renew our commitments to ourselves, to others and to our gods. The universe did not set up this pattern for us to get depressed and angry at ourselves for not being enough. This pattern was set up so that we could sever the ties to negativity and self judgment at least once a year. Think of it, the whole world goes dormant just to remind us to let go! Ironically, it is a time of year for us to remember that we are not alone on this planet. There have been times that darkness and the cold forced us to huddle together, to be part of, to share what food we have and body heat. So this is a great time to be reminded of that, and to share our time, resources and talents for the sake of others. Finally, the negative feelings that some of us experience during this time are simply the negative feelings we have stuffed into our being rather than dealing with them coming out to be healed. When we feel depressed, angry, ashamed, less than, etc. rejoice, because all of these healings are coming out to be released and we can be reborn. So when you feel depressed, scream "hallelujah!".

And have a wonder-filled holiday season.